When my dog ate (or tried to eat) Turtles

The part where I left her alone Aggie, my twenty-pound mutt, spent some time in her early years out on the streets of of Baytown.

In every other possible way she is a civilized dog, except for this one thing. Whenever Aggie is left alone, she dashes to whatever food is around and devours it. This is often a problem because, well, it's not like I leave out Dog Food. It's always People Food and not the good, healthy kind. Insert story about the time she ate a plate of  Ghirardelli brownies.

Last night, I decided to go visit a friend and planned to be gone only for an hour, so, thinking she could be trusted and that I didn't have any food out, I did not crate her.

The part where  I was wrong

I returned home to Aggie poking her head through the curtains, wildly wagging her tail. She met me at the door. I should have known something was up.

In my living room there was a package of Chocolate Turltles on the couch and one on the floor - I wouldn't find the package in my bathroom until later that evening. Luckily the packages were somewhat chewed on, but otherwise intact. She wasn't able to make her way into any of them. Thank goodness, or we would have had another shit storm. Insert story about the time she ate a plate of  Ghirardelli brownies.

You see, what makes this funny is that the box of Turtles was on my kitchen table which is pushed up against the wall. Aggie, being only two feet on a good day tall, couldn't have just reached the box. No, I'm sure it was a charade. The Little Dog must have climbed up the two chairs, jumped on the table, then walked across the table to where the box was.

And she has a really little mouth, so she must have done this three times to account for each of the chocolate turtle packages that I found. I just can't imagine what was going on in her Little Dog brain each time she grabbed a chocolate, couldn't open it, then climbed up onto the table to grab another. Or why she stopped at three. And why she didn't try harder to rip open the package.

The part where I didn't scold her

Standing there in my living room, taking this all in, all I could do was shake my head. Aggie, I guess filled with guilt, ran into my bedroom whimpering with her tail between her legs and folded into a really little ball. And I just laughed. After all, I was the one who left out the chocolate. I just never thought she'd climb the table to get to it. Or that she could smell it.

So I went and grabbed her from my room, laughing, pet her head and told her it was all "OK."

In which Emily Pontificates about Pet Ownership

I think I finally get it, Mom and Dad. I understand your reticence to acquiring more pet animals, despite the pleading of your adorable children.

Over the weekend, my friend’s 19-year-old daughter posted pictures of kitten that she found. They live in a somewhat rural area in Texas, so it’s not unheard for animals to get dumped or for cats and dogs to run amuck and just, you know, answer nature’s call and willy-nilly reproduce.

The kitten looks like if you took a cute baby cat and put it in the garbage disposal. Homecat looks a bit worse for the wear, if you know what I’m saying.

So I see this cat on Facebook, and see her plea to have someone find a good, loving home for the “adorable” cat and ALL I CAN SEE IS DOLLAR SIGNS.

You see, my friend’s family is already caring for one cat her 12-year-old daughter found earlier this year. It was one of those, “it adopted us” stories. Yea, you mean, you put out food and the cat kept coming back? Hm. That’s a real thinker. Wonder how that happened?

After her daughter, “became too attached to let it go.” My friend captured the cat and brought it into her home. Well, I’m sure to no surprise to you, Mom and Dad, that cat came with some invisible price tags.

When it started to rip up the leather furniture just doing its cat thing, my friend paid to get it declawed – which she was told by some well wishers that declawing is inhumane…I would imagine it’s more inhumane to beat the cat with a frying pan after it rips up a several thousand dollar couch…just saying.

THEN, after a routine checkup, followed by a special test (caching, caching) the cat was diagnosed with cat HIV. Apparently, FIV is pretty common, but it is like the number one or two killer of cats and even cats living with it and being treated for it will die at a much younger age than their non FIV counter-cats.

…But her daughters were so attached!

Animals, even domesticated ones, once free, want to get away from you. If you can catch them, they’re likely quite ill and unable to stir up the energy to run – or, in the case of The Little Dog, too pregnant.

I’m starting to think that a pet purchase is a lot like buying a car. You can buy a used one, but the less reputable the source the more likely it is you get a lemon. And, buying a used car, you go in knowing that in order to get it to run for any period of time, you’re likely to have to put in some money for repairs sooner than later. Dogs, like cars, need regular maintenance, to run for years to come. Unfortunately, cars come with insurance and dogs just come with Big Vet Bills. #DanteAteABall #AggieHeartWorms

I guess what I’m coming to realize is that there is a difference between, “that animal can be saved” and “I can save that animal.”

Bird Brains

My temporary officemate just bought his 12-year-old daughter a parakeet for her birthday. He’s a blue baby and hand raised (the bird, not necessarily my coworker). No $15 Petco purchase for my officemate. Apparently his bird has pedigree.

Prior to the purchase, we talked quite a bit about bird ownership. I got to tell him all about our family adventures with mean Keeter and sweet Neon. How Keeter died from a brain hemorrhage after flying into a wall when we moved to the Katy house and how Neon died by lethal injection after a large mass was discovered in her main cavity.

His family settled on a bird after deciding that any other animal would be too messy and too much work. Both kids have kept a fish alive for more than a year, so it was time, by his estimation, to move to something more land-animal-like.

I did tell him that birds are not a care-free pet. I’ll never forget moving out of the Kingwood house and seeing all of the seeds, feathers and poop left behind from Keeter that had been hidden behind the dresser his cage lived on. I did also tell him that birds, like fish and dogs, can get ill and quickly need pricey vet intervention for life-saving measures. Because sometimes it’s better (read easier) to spend some money than have to teach your preteen child about the value of life. (Thanks Dad for forking over the cash to humanely end Neon’s journey here on Earth.)

My coworker asked me what he should be prepared for as a new bird parent. I told him that with Keeter and Neon, we had one nice, friendly bird that loved to chatter and run around on the ground and one mean bird that never learned to talk and bit everyone. Birds are like cats. Some are nice and some, for some reason, suck. There’s not much science to it. It’s just rolling the dice.

A benefit to owning a caged animal, I suppose, is that no one has to walk it ever. Now, I love walking Aggie, but if no one in my house wanted to do the walking, I could see how it would be an issue. I do think it is funny though that these smaller pets are used, it seems, as starter pets. They’re like Hooked on Phonics for dog ownership.

Having a bird won’t trick my colleague’s daughter into no longer wanting a dog. And truth be told, if he would’ve been the one to walk the dog, then he’ll likely also be the one scrubbing the poop out of the bird cage on the weekends.

All this being said, I think birds make great pets. I’ve occasionally thought about adding a bird to my happy family with Aggie, but for now come to the conclusion that there is just no room for a bird. Oh yea, and J hates pet birds. But he also was resistant to the idea of getting a dog…and we see how that turned out…

Best part of a hairdresser brother? Free haircuts.

We're right in the middle of the Christmas season, so I figured it was time for a family update. After leaving San Antonio on Friday, Mom and Dad traveled to Baton Rouge to see Todd and Nick. On Christmas eve they went to a posh wine bar called WINO (Wine Institute of New Orleans).

I'm just going to say that Todd looks like he's not so happy in this picture.

Christmas morning dad got up early and made his famous cinnamon rolls. Nick's mom came over and enjoyed Christmas morning with the family.

For Christmas, Dad surprised Mom with a new iPad. We're not sure what we'll call this new addition to the family yet. iPad3? iPad junior? No worries. Mom's old iPad is going to Dad. Hopefully he won't break this one. Beware elder iPad.

Some day later, Mom and Dad went to Regis where Todd cut their hair. True Macrander fact. Todd cuts all of our hair. Every single one of us. I can't remember the last time I paid to get my hair cut or highlighted. That is wonderful. It also helps that Todd is giving of his time and very good at what he does.

Here's a picture of Alaska Mom getting her "Northern Lights" touched up.

Anyway, this evening, Mom and Dad are headed to Birmingham to see Mom's parents. I'm (Emily) already here. I got here last night and had the grandparents to myself for a whole evening.

Before coming to Alabama, I spent the holiday with Underwood clan. Let's see. Christmas eve for me was spent in the afternoon with Jarrod's dad's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Tappmeyer. Then we went to church. Then we chilled and napped. Then church again for the midnight service at Jarrod and I's church Canvas in Montrose. That was special because we usually meet in an elementary school and for this occasion we were in First Christian. I love celebrating the birth of Jesus with my wonderful church family.

Christmas morning we headed over to the Jarrod's mother's parents home for a brunch and then it was back to the Underwood home. I was surprised with a beautiful red KitchenAid mixer from mother and father Underwood and an ice cream maker from Dylan and Kaitlyn. I guess they know I like to cook, right?

The night came to an end with a visit from the Wiesendangers, Mollie and Layne.

Okay, I'm a person that stresses to the max over Christmas. I'm still waiting for the holy grail no-cry Christmas (maybe Christmas 2014??). But all said and done, I am blessed. I have wonderful family spread all over the country and my brother has a loving partner. I have Jarrod and his family is very gracious to me. And I have a little dog.