Past the age of 25 there is a natural decline in the rate of the resting human metabolism. Initially, you may not notice the change but as years press on you suddenly notice that it takes significantly more activity to lose even the smallest amount of extra pudge. Not to mention the extra effort needed to engage in fat burning activities as they directly compete with an ever growing list of “adult” responsibilities.
As a result, many of us turn to various weight loss/exercise methods to ensure that we are at least chipping away at our waist lines. For me, I typically employ a mix of running, hiking and all around activeness in order to fight the battle of the buldge. Recently I added an extra component to supplement running on rainy afternoons - Insanity workouts.
For those of you who may not be familiar with Insanity workouts I’ll keep it simple by saying that insanity is an accurate descriptor. Each workout is approximately an hour long with 20-30 minutes of “warm-up” followed by a little cool down and then it pretty much kicks your ass.
Despite lingering hesitations and warnings from friends, yesterday on yet another rainy afternoon, I decide I am going to do an insanity workout.
Upon arriving home from work I am feeling a bit peckish so opt for a nice light snack before my workout, Cheez-its. Not just a handful of Cheez-its but at least 4, but possibly 5 or 6, heaping handfuls of the delicious cheesy snack cracker. Once I have sated my appetite I sit on my couch feeling somewhat guilty but determined that my indulgence will not hinder my insanity. Peeling myself off the couch I slowly pull on a set of my shortest workout shorts, shoes and a sports bra because nothing inspires working out like minimal clothing. Now appropriately dressed I turn on my computer, move some furniture for space, cue up a workout music mix and prepare to get my sweat on.
The video begins with some light stretching and jogging in place. Next, jumping jacks followed by high knees. “I’ve got this” I think to myself. Already I’m sweating. I feel it is important to add here that it has been rather hot these past few weeks and I’ve been using the air conditioner in my apartment minimally. As a result the temperature in my apartment is sweltering. All of a sudden the video kicks it up a notch and throws in some side to side lunges that involve you touching the floor. My stomach begins to turn. After about another 15 minutes of "warm-up", that feel like forever, we enter a short cool down phase. At this juncture sweat is pouring off my body like it has never done before. I grab a towel, a chug of water with barely enough time to get back in front of the screen before the bulk of the workout begins.
“Here it goes” I say to Dante who is looking at me balefully from beneath the kitchen table. I think he knows that this is about to not go well. Immediately side to side lunges ensue followed rapidly by skiers, climbers, burpees and jumping squats. I can barely keep up. It seems by the time I manage to get a move down they've already moved on to the next activity. As we enter yet another set I am actively feeling ill. I can feel the Cheez-its sitting like a brick in my stomach and that brick is rising. Still I press on. Well, that is until I burp mid set and a bit of vomit enters my mouth. Next thing I know I’ve completely abandoned the workout out and find myself bent over the porcelain goddess. Gross, I know.
Sitting on my bathroom floor I lean against the cool tub and feel defeated. The sound of my workout mix still blares in the next room. All I can think is “Insanity workouts and Cheez-its do not mix”.